by Jack Perry
Working as a sales professional often demands long hours on the road and many days away from home. Frequently, the time away can put a strain on your marriage and family.
You know that leaving your family can be very difficult, but chances are, seeing you go is even more difficult for them. Unless your spouse has worked in the sales profession, he or she might think you are spending your nights away from your home in fancy hotels and eating in fine five-star restaurants. And these thoughts can lead to jealousy and mistrust . After all, leaving is often better than being left behind.
Many salespeople don’t discuss the fact that their spouse doesn’t like it when they travel for business, but potential family strain is a fact in the sales profession. And as you become more and more wrapped up in your career, you might lose touch with the people you care most about unless you really work to keep your family life intact.
What can you do to make sure your family survives your career while you are away from home? Consider the following strategies for letting your spouse know how important he or she truly is to your happiness and success:
1. Real Quality Time
Quality time takes effort; it doesn’t just happen because you and your spouse are in the same room together. Quality time isn’t riding in the car together, sitting on the couch silently watching the boob tube, or even sleeping in the same bed. Those activities can be necessities. Quality time means doing something extra, something that isn’t required. It involves conversation and a personal connection, and it makes your personal relationship stronger.
If you have a demanding job, take one day a week (i.e.: Saturday) to spend solely with your spouse. Leave your work cell phone at home, and focus completely on your wife or husband. Do something you can enjoy together, or something that you know will make your spouse truly happy. If your wife has been eager to see a movie that just came out, go see it and have dinner afterwards to talk about it. Or go to a museum and discuss your favorite works of art. If your husband loves football, get tickets to see his favorite team or go to a local high school game. Do something out of the ordinary to create memories you can share.
When you and your spouse do have a chance to get out and do something fun, make sure you have the appropriate wardrobe that fits you properly, looks good, and help you to feel good about yourself. And maintain a positive attitude, even if things don’t go exactly as planned. You don’t want something minor like an argument over dress or a traffic jam to put a strain on your togetherness opportunity.
2. Open Communication
You know that when you travel as part of your career, you usually aren’t staying in five-star hotels and eating in fancy restaurants. Sometimes dinner on the road is a can of soda or a beer and a bag of peanuts. However, your spouse might romanticize your experiences if you don’t let him or her know what business travel is really like.
The spouse who stays at home has to realize that business travel is usually not glamorous. Every time you go somewhere, explain in detail what exactly you are doing so your partner realizes it isn’t just fun and play. Share your horror stories about the terrible water pressure and the stiff sheets. And let your spouse know when your food service is terrible. Be honest, but communicate all the little things that make being away from home so challenging.
You don’t want your spouse to think that you enjoy your time away more than you enjoy your time at home. You travel out of necessity; travel is a part of your career. In the end, a successful relationship boils down to communication and trust, and you have to know your family. This might sound obvious, but you need to know what your spouse likes to hear and what level of reassurance he or she needs. Some spouses can be very needy. They might be jealous of your travels and time away, and this is where timely and open communication is critical.
3. Make an Effort, Even From a Distance
When you’re traveling for business, you need to make sure your spouse realizes how important he or she is to you and your family. One of the most important things you can do is call home every day to talk. And make sure you call at a good time. If you know your baby daughter gets her bath every night at six, then call before then so your spouse will have time to focus on your conversation and won’t be preoccupied with other things.
Always be cheerful when you call home. Be happy to hear his or her voice and take an interest in what you’ve missed at home. Ask about the children, ask about your spouse’s day, and really use this time to talk and connect. Be sincere.
You can do other little things when you’re on the road to make your spouse and family feel extra special. If you’re gone for several days, send a postcard. Or better yet, send a letter. Or even leave romantic notes around the house for your spouse to find when you’re gone. Put sticky notes in obvious places with your feeling and love expressed (i.e.: “You are #1.” “I love you.” “Thank you for all you do for me.”) Little things like these can make a huge emotional difference.
4. Get Your Spouse Involved in Your Work
People make assumptions about things they don’t know and understand. If your spouse has never worked as a sales professional or never really experienced what you do, then he or she will naturally create an image of what he or she thinks the career is like. And depending on how much you share, your spouse might mistakenly assume your job is overly glamorous and exciting. When your spouse creates an inaccurate picture of your daily activities, that’s when jealousy can set in.
If you want your spouse to really know what your demanding job opportunity is like, take him or her to work with you one day. Let your spouse experience firsthand what your day is like, introduce him or her to your co-workers, and teach your spouse what your job is all about. This will give him or her a more accurate understanding of you and your profession and dispel any inaccurate assumptions he or she has made about your business life outside the home.
Strengthen Your Marriage for the Future
If you don’t take time to communicate with your spouse and make him or her feel extra special, you might force your spouse to go somewhere else for understanding and support. You might ruin your marriage, lose your opportunity to spend the best years with your children, and forfeit the chance to get outside career advice from a trusted friend.
When you work in sales, communication, understanding, and buy-in are critical if you choose to keep your family close. Take these proactive steps to preserve your marriage and family before the stress of business travel ruins it, and your spouse will know just how important he or she truly is to you and your success…success in business, success in marriage, and success as a family.
Time from The Respect Factor® Series
THE RESPECT FACTOR® is a trademark of Jack Perry in the United States and other countries. Used with permission. ©2009 Jack Perry. All rights reserved.
This is crap. Believe me, my husband has traveled for business for 11 years and I don't want the play by play of how bad the service was at the 4 star restaurant when the kids and I ate leftovers again, and I just made four trips back and forth across town like a madwoman to make sure the kids were on time to soccer practice. I don't want to hear how stiff his sheets were, when I was up all night doing laundry because one of the kids puked all over his bed. I don't want to spend quality time with my husband. I am happier when he's on the road. I'm resentful that he loves his blackberry more than he loves me because he can't even turn it off long enough to eat dinner with his family. I understand that travel is an important part of his job, I just never thought that it would become his entire life. I'm ready to remove myself from that life. If I'm even a part of it anymore.
Posted by: Kate | May 14, 2011 at 07:12 PM