Six Steps to Better Communication Skills

By Jack Perry

Have you ever met a person for the first time and felt drawn to him or her in some inexplicable way? Maybe you felt as if you’d known her forever, or you really connected through your conversation. Whether you realize it or not, your positive impression of this person was a result of her communication skills.

When people consider another’s ability to communicate, they naturally think of talking and articulation. But communication means more that just using words. It includes nonverbal cues, tone of voice, speed, pauses, listening, questioning, and getting feedback.

Communication is a process. You are constantly sending and receiving messages in a variety of ways. If you meet someone for the first time, you’re not only listening to the words he says, but also taking into account the way he is dressed, his body language, and the way he relates to you. And this person is conducting the same personal analysis of you. When both sides make positive judgments, the connection is made. This connection then results in a professional or social relationship, a sale, or a mutual understanding of some kind.

However, no one is born with good communication skills. Everyone must learn the techniques. Even the great orator in ancient Greece, Demosthenes, had to learn how to communicate. He was born with a speech impediment and spent years in solitude, practicing his speaking skills and strengthening his vocals. But his hard work paid off, because today, thousands of years later, he is still known for his communication abilities.

The fact is that communication is a learned skill. However, most people don’t take the time to practice and learn strong communication skills. Ultimately, you have the choice whether you want to learn to be a great communicator. So if you choose yes—that you want to be a better communicator—use the following six techniques to make that happen.

1. Take a Good Look at Yourself
If you want to improve your communication skills, then you need to understand where to focus your attention. Start by taking an audit of yourself. Sit down with a piece of paper and start to list your communication characteristics. How do you communicate with your voice? How do you communicate with your body? With your choice of words? With listening? And with questioning?

Then ask people you trust to be honest about how they view your communication skills. Ask if they think you’re a good communicator. Are you effective? And what can you do to improve? It takes courage to ask people these questions, but it also takes courage for them to give you honest answers. So find people you can trust.

2. Be Aware of Your Style
You need to be aware that you’re always communicating. Whether you’re just walking down the street or introducing yourself to a new person, your body language, appearance, and mannerisms send a message. Therefore you need to be sensitive to your surroundings and aware of what message you’re really sending.

Ask yourself what style you communicate. For example, a neat, put-together dresser sends a completely different message than a person who wears dirty blue jeans. These two styles also impact people differently, depending on their background and personal experiences.

3. Identify Your Objective
Every time you approach a communication situation, you need to have an objective. For example, maybe you want to make new friends, or maybe you want to make a sale. Your objective will obviously depend on the nature of the contact. With no objective, you are just making noise that is not getting what you want. With an objective, you can get a desired result.

4. Land Your Point
Good communication means helping the other person understand your point of view. In other words, you must land your point. Just giving a person information won’t make any difference if it whizzes past his or her head. You must clarify that the person understands your message. Ask the person periodically through the conversation, “Are we in agreement here?” Even though people might hear what you say, they might not understand the point you’re trying to make.

If you can, figure out whether the person you’re communicating with is a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner. This will help you tailor your message so he or she can best understand. To figure out a person’s learning style, you can listen to his or her responses for clues. A visual learner will say, “I see what you’re saying.” An auditory learner will say, “I hear what you’re saying.” And a kinesthetic learner will say, “I feel what you’re saying.”

5. Follow Examples
If you’re a leader, you have to communicate to get results. You might be brilliant, but unless you can communicate, your effectiveness is zero. In other words, you cannot convert anyone if the church is empty.

Look at great communicators throughout history. Winston Churchill had a very definitive style that fired people’s attention. He stuck to his guns about what he had to say and how he had to say it; he didn’t back down. Ronald Reagan was known for being a great storyteller. If you want to be a great communicator and leader, then you must in some way, get attention.

6. Make a Connection
In communicating, you want to make sure you connect with the people around you, rather than alienate them. You can connect with people by listening, mirroring their actions, and adapting to their style. If you’re talking to a person who talks very quickly, then you need to talk quickly as well. And if you’re talking with a slow, thoughtful person, then mirror that style. When you mirror the other person in communications, that person thinks you are similar. They feel they can trust you.

Better Communication Skills in the Future

Many people make the excuse: “I’m just not a good communicator.” But in reality, no one is at first. Everyone has to learn effective communication skills. And communicating means more than being articulate; it is a process that involves your entire self, from the way you’re dressed to the expression on your face.

If you want to be a better communicator, you must make a commitment to practice and learn the techniques. Use these six tips to get started, and you’ll be connecting with more people, both personally and professionally, in no time.

Communication from The Respect Factor® Series

THE RESPECT FACTOR® is a trademark of Jack Perry in the United States and other countries. Used with permission.  ©2009 Jack Perry. All rights reserved

Comments

[Danny]

I can see, hear and feel what you are saying.